Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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