Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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