Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
