Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?

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(505): View more from New Mexico

That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.

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(727): View more from Florida

Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick

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(816): View more from Missouri

I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this

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(914): View more from New York

you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?

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(360): View more from Washington

He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.

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(760): View more from California

I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.

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(323): View more from California

I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.

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(816): View more from Missouri

The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine

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