the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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