Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
