we're chasing vodka with high fives
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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