this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
