you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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