i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
