Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
