MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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