things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
