Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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