the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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