fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
