i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
