Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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