Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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