I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
