My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
