You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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