Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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