Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
