its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
