Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
