i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
