i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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