Pants 0. Shit 1.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
