Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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