Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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