she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
