She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
