Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
