I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
