your parents love me but you hate me
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
