I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
