I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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