fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
