now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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