She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
