she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
