unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
