Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
