Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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