I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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