tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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