Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
