A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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