Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
