I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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