I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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